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So yeah, apparently I've got 1155 deviations to go through, no joke. I'm stuck back in January of '09 right now, and I watch about 30-40 really good artists, so it will take me a long time. That, and I haven't made a deviation or journal for years, and don't really know where to go with anything I do. Having no direction doesn't really make for much production. And really there's a crapload of other stuff I'd rather go through than to attempt another piece just yet, seeing as I'm juggling a wedding, eventually going back to school, moving, finding more work... there's just alot.

Juggling so much recently caused me to break down crying. That was actually quite nice, as I hadn't really been able to do that for over a decade. It means I let myself actually feel something without holding back. It helped reinforce a few things with me as well, so all in all, I'd say it was really a good thing. Especially since my fianceé was there to help me through it.

On another note, this [link] freaked me the hell out. My fianceé has one hell of a good grasp on proper colouration and accidentally using bodies like possessed parasites. Eep!

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Keep practicing your lines, and don't give up on it. Try studying from an anatomy book as well, learn all the muscles, where they are, what they look like, how they move, and then apply your style on top. Practice more lines. Always do more lines. Lines first, then you can start colouring. Lines are more important than colour. Lines, anatomy, and above all, your own ideas. Never let them go. Just think to yourself, what about drawing makes you feel more complete? What about it makes me keep going? Just keep working toward that ideal. You need to know what it is you draw (anatomy, your personal ideas), how to draw it(lines and pose), and why you draw it (purpose, personal desire).

This really applies to anything we do in life, I just adapted it for the current context. Consistent practice of any one thing in a driven persuit of a goal. You could say that your goal is to perfect a straight line. Even if you can't exactly perfect it, if getting closer and closer makes you feel better, then you are driven toward that goal. Through constant relevant practice, your goal gets closer.

Yes, it's late at night/early in the morning. This is the time of day that I start getting philosophical. Whee! Go me! But seriously, if you want something, set it as a goal, give yourself a reason to achieve that goal, and practice constantly, looking for new ways in which to practice that will help you get closer to that goal.

"I want spaghetti in the morning" is a goal. I tell myself it is a goal, I get the pan ready, and when I wake up, I only need a little bit of practice for this goal. First time should do it. Fill the pan with water, boil some spaghetti, and I've achieved my goal. I have to remember that it is a goal I have in the morning, but that's all in practice.

Damn, I did it again. I should go to sleep.

And God of War has frozen twice, has annoying and repetetive gameplay and battles, and it's boringly lonely and morbid. Not really my style of gaming, so I gave it up. Story was pretty craptastic too. The moves were kinda cool, and for the first couple hours it was somewhat refreshing, but overall undesireable in the end.

^_^

Go to Shirotsuki's gallery.

I've been trying to get a Shirotsuki commission for awhile. I got into her list finally, and she loves the idea... And probably the freedom I'm giving her to design, eheh. Her style is by far the best, and I've been looking around for well over a year now at different artists on DA.

Go to Shirotsuki's gallery.

Oh that feels good, honestly. I write this listening to Antique Cowboy, one of the better RO bgm songs. Ahhh... Damn, I really should try finding a scanner at a public library or something, that way I can at least see what I can do with sketches, regardless of their relative crappiness. Downloaded GIMP recently, tried a few things with it, was interesting... Used it to make a forum sized signature (500x150). I'm not uploading it. It's absolute crap, and the base material would be offended.

Go to Shirotsuki's gallery.

Other than that, I'm procrastinating. I should be buying books for classes, but I've just... Well anyway, go to Shirotsuki's gallery.

Metal fist to the fACE!

Why is it that whenever I think of doing something specific, persue it with everything I know how, and get to the point of being capable of finally achieving that goal, I start to doubt myself to such an end that it seems as though it WILL end? Guh, Just a random journal. I don't know of anyone other than psy that actually reads this thing. I should just turn them into deviations. Heh.

yep, time to just plop up a new Avatar that I prefer having rather than keeping the beastmaster up. Oh well, had to go one day. Problem I have now is that I can never tell when the Avatar has been updated or not. This one is the Male Cleric from disgaea, of whom I hope to cosplay one day in the coming months, assuming that I'm not broke...